Living in Recovery/Sobriety

I have a serious living problem! There I said it...

I am grateful for the program and that I have been given the tools as a guide to living life. A life without regrets. A life full of promises and gifts. A life that I once abandoned...

(I have so many thoughts running through my mind so this Post may be a little manic and disorganized.)

I used to live on chaos and lies. I was in denial so I never saw what was REALLY going on. Some people say that the program brainwashes people. I say, "my brain needed some washing!" If I am living in a brainwashing program, it doesn't bother me one bit. I would not trade the peace I have now for the chaos and hell I was in before.

When I first entered the program and quit drinking and using I jumped onto this really nice pink fluffy cloud. Everything seemed so wonderful. In my mind, everyone in the program was getting well. Then the six month mark of sobriety hit and life got real.... REAL FAST! I had to start dealing with my feelings I used to drink away. I realized that not everyone in the program was there to get well. I had resentments towards my Sponsor. I was a mess. The only thing that saved me at that time was my ego. I told myself that I was not going to be one of those people that relapse and come back, relapse and come back. Deep down, I think I really feared that if I relapsed I wouldn't make it back. So I told myself to hang in there until the one year mark and if things did not get better than to hell with the program. Working the Steps and not getting that relief that some people talk about in meetings was hard. Around nine or ten months into my sobriety something changed. I don't know the exact date or anything like that but I was driving and realized that everything looked different. I was at peace and in gratitude. Chuck C. wrote a book called "A New Pair of Glasses." Good Book! I had my spiritual awakening.

The obsession to drink or use was gone and I was on a path to living. Not just struggling and being miserable. Each day brings different challenges because ... that is how life is. Today I don't have to drink over any of it.

I used to think life would be so boring without alcohol... It is anything BUT boring.