Honesty

"There are those, too, who suffer from from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." Pg. 58 Alcoholics Anonymous "The Big Book"

Chapter 5 from the Big Book "How it Works" is read before almost every meeting (pages 58-60). The above quote is part of the reading.

Getting honest!!! Wow what a concept!

I used to have anxiety attacks, manic episodes and depression. I would be lying if I said that I don't suffer from those today. The difference today is that I don't have to take medication to deal with those issues. I deal with them directly in an honest way. Looking back, in 1993, when a doctor put me on zoloft, clonopin, lithium, etc. I now feel like I was a guinea pig. My opinion, and this IS just my opinion, doctors are too willing to give out medications. Granted, there are cases where medication is needed but I am in contact with people like me that were over prescribed medications.

Anxiety! How I suffered from that. When I went to my first meeting I just about had a heart attack when I realized that everyone said their name and the nature of their disease. I wanted to run out of the room because I didn't even want to say my name. I was in deep fear and anxiety. Today, and this baffles me, I secretary three meetings a week and I have gotten up and done a Speaker Meeting. When I secretary, I sit in front of, anywhere from 20 to 70 people, and talk. As for the Speaker Meeting, I backed out on my first one but this past August I got up in a big room full of people and told my story. I spoke for about 20 minutes. Did I have anxiety? YES! But, I found out MOST people feel that way. It is just life.

As for the manic episodes and depression... well anyone that knows me, knows I can talk a mile a minute and get sort of crazy. Now that I know what my character defects are, I know that when I get into a manic episode I have to look deep inside and see what the real issue is (getting honest with self). Yes it is a chemical imbalance but I can take a deep breath and meditate. No medication needed. As for depression, when I feel it coming on... I talk about it, go to meetings, do service work... I look at my depression as a selfish thing. I am not a doctor but I know there are ways of dealing with things without drugs.

I am not a guru of "the program," but I sure am grateful that I had the willingness to open my mind and surrender my ego.