Blah Blah Blah

Everything in my sobriety world is feeling blah. I want to be that two year old that lays on the ground and kicks n screams. That thought sounds nice and if I thought I would look pretty doing that I just might REALLY do it. I cannot put my finger on exactly what it is that is bothering me. I am told by mentors that sometimes it really isn't anything in particular and to stop over analyzing it. But, I am an alcoholic and isn't it my job to do just that? ;) So I don't like being uncomfortable but that is what earned me my seat in "the program."

My home group is having a business meeting on Friday. I think the topics are not giving chips to addicts and teaching chair people how to do the job. I want to add that we need financial reports from "D" because I think we have a huge surplus in reserves. That money should be disbursed to the appropriate places and not just sitting in the bank (or making "D's" car payment--just joking). I know Jeannie wants swearing to be outlawed in the meetings. Thank God for group conscious!!! In today's world, dual addictions are common place. So what if an addict takes a chip in an AA meeting. It doesn't happen often because most people taking chips, myself included, say we are just alcoholics. If I were to be sitting in an NA meeting, I would say I am an addict. Just to be part of and not trying to be unique. Of course, you won't find me in an NA meeting because the ones I have gone to... wow... they are mean to each other. Personally, I really want to get rid of the court card people or they shouldn't be allowed to speak unless they have a Sponsor and are taking the Steps. Just my opinion...

Back to my blahness! Because it is all about me! ;) I have been talking to Maryann a lot lately and it seems that we are going through a lot of the same things. Yesterday we did the exact same thing... sat around, watched t.v., didn't call anyone or do service work, etc. When she finally called me last night we had to laugh at where our heads were. Thank God, again, for this program and the honesty involved. I personally thank God for the people He/She/It has put in my life. Without these people and my Higher Power I would not be sitting here sober today. I just noticed that I have a little gratitude this morning. Guess I am not as bad off as I thought.

I read a friends blog this morning and realized that my pity party is selfish. She is going through some really rough times and honestly, I don't think I would be handling it as well as she is. If you are reading this my friend, I am saying prayers for you and I am here to listen anytime you want to talk.

Acronyms:
EGO = Edging God Out
GOD = Good Orderly Direction