Doesn't that sentence sound scary?!
The following is from the "Big Book" pg. 64-65 (I am typing this stuff straight from the book and this book is not known for it's grammar.)
"We started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. We we were sore. We were burned up.
On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?"
The book goes on about honesty and thoroughness. Etc....
In my quest for truth, honesty and a new life, my Sponsor showed me how to make my list. I prayed on this Step asking God to give me the courage and strength to get REALLY honest. It took me about a month to complete this Step. Some people can do this Step in a night, other people months and then there are those who never take or finish this Step (I/we call those people, if they stay sober, dry drunks). After taking my inventory, as it is called, I went to the next Step. Step Five. I will blog about Step Five in the future. Remember how I said this Step sounded scary? It really isn't!!!
Onto other crazy thoughts...
I must be going through another "growth experience/opportunity!" God gave me little blinders as I call them and He reveals little at a time. I usually welcome the growth and sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air and scream "Why now?" I believe God reveals things when He thinks we are ready to grow. We humans are creatures of habit so for something new to be thrown at us makes us uncomfortable especially when we KNOW we have to change. Today I am screaming "WHY NOW?!"
Acronym: AFGO = Another F***ing Growth Opportunity. Whoever thought that one up was an angry alcoholic.
Angry + Alcoholic = dry drunk!!!
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