Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I am not sure, but I think I forgot to add in my past posts that in the beginning of my recovery I really had no intention of working the 12 Steps. I read them and thought to myself, "what in the heck do those Steps have to do with my drinking/addictions?" Turns out, it had EVERYTHING to do with my drinking/addictions!

My Sponsor took me out to lunch one day and she (as I like to say) tricked me into Step One. It seemed fairly easy so I figured I would continue with the rest of the Steps but in my heart I just KNEW it wouldn't work for me. HA HA! Looking back, I guess I am not as unique as I thought I was or would like to be. ;)

Going to Step Two now, I want to quote something from the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), this is from Bill's Story:



My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"

That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.



After reading that, especially the part about choosing your own conception of God, was freeing for me in many ways. I was brought up in a non-practicing LDS family. My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were all practicing LDS Members so naturally I felt out of place from the beginning. My grandmother made sure I was baptized into the Church when I was 8. Still, I never felt very comfortable with this dogma. What I did know of the LDS Church was that they frowned heavily on smoking, drinking caffeine and/or alcohol. So, in defiance, I decided I was going to do all those things that the Church told the Members not to do. I still believed in their conception of God because I knew no other. So to me, God turned his back. I was going to hell no matter what I did.

Now given the freedom to choose my own conception of God or Higher Power as some people like to say, that journey in and of itself was fun and confusing at the same time. My own belief is that God is not a man or a woman but just IS. That is my own conception and it doesn't matter what other people think because it works for me and THAT is all that matters. My God also has a fabulous sense of humor and loves me no matter what.

As an after thought, I used to verbally put all organized religions down. Now I respect those who BELIEVE in something as long as it isn't harmful to ones spirit. Spirituality is the foundation.

Today, with daily prayer and meditation to the God of my understanding, I feel as Bill did when he wrote "I stood in the sunlight at last."